No paper in the restroom stall
There's not a single sheet at all
Didn't look, now I'm stuck here 'cause
Not a single square
In the holder there so what will I do, now
'Cause the roll is bare right here in this loo, now

Is there someone I can call
Some attendant here at this shopping mall
Need to be wipin' myself
Somewhere there's paper on a shelf so
Someone hear my prayer and bring me tissue, now
Just a couple squares and then I'll make do, now
But there's no one there so what will I do

Someone didn't hear roll call
Wish I had me a scarf or shawl
Heck, I'd use a popcorn ball 'cause
This is so unfair
On the porcelin chair with my business through, now
But no Charmin there so I think I'll sue, now

No paper in the bathroom stall
Wonder if there's some at all, there
Maybe on the next-door wall
I'll get a papered moon if I have to crawl to
Make it over there, that is what I'll do, now
Gonna go and snare me a sheet or two, now
If the roll is bare gonna shout "oh, poo!"

I'm creeping to the next-door stall
My pants are down, don't wanna fall
Realize my mistake because
On the ceiling there
There's a camera there so what can I do, now
I can feel them stare, yes they got a view, now
Guess this whole affair will show on YouTube