Well, it's time you had the talk, yeah, you know, the special talk?
That really awkward talk, that we hope you ain't heard of
So, it's time we gave the talk, so you don't look like a dork
When your resume reports, that you believe in the stork
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
You gotta know the, know the, know the thing called
*mfrdmphr*!*

When we both were younger - me and your dad -
We both wanted some children, and pretty fast
We knew we didn't have to waste time
For the stork to get here, what we had to try

Was put your father's thing, into my private thing
You know, that little thing, that's there inside your jeans?
We're telling, we're telling, we're telling, we're telling,
We're telling you all this, Alex, because of a simple fact:

You are gonna have a brother
Or maybe a sister, well (maybe a sister, well)
It's a little early, kinda hard to tell
Still, you're gonna have a sibling, and so it all fits
For us to tell you now, though you are only six!

Why you shaking like that? Did I just creep you out?
I sure was when I was young, when I found out
The truth sure scared me, pretty sure I cried
Your dad felt so queasy, he threw up ten times!

So, now you've heard the talk, yeah, the really special talk
How people came to be born, are you gonna stand and gawk?
You better, you better, you better, you better
You better never, never, never tell your friends the talk ah!

That's the birds and bees, my son-ah
Please don't share it with your friends (don't share it with your friends)
They are still too young for the secrets of sex
But since you'll have a new brother
You've learnt it real quick
If I wasn't pregnant, this talk we would've skipped

Hey, where you going at lightning speed?
You gonna cry? Do, please! We will give you plenty of peace
Why you op'nin' the door? You room's a diff'rent floor
Don't run, please, we're sorry, where'd that hole come from?
In the fence, I see some tiny dents, what, your saw's been pinched?
He's gone next door, oh no, dear God
His friend lives right next door, he's spreadin' round the talk
His friend lives right next door, he's spreadin' round the talk

Now that blasted talk is spreading
He's telling all of his friends (telling all of his friends)
They'll be scarred forever, wish I'd never said
"That's the birds and bees, my son-ah", I am such a twit
Should've kept my mouth shut, it wasn't my business!

'Cause you see, the birds and bees talk
Is never, is never, is never, is never
Is never told, told, told, told (It is never told by)
Told by mum and dad, he's got teachers for that
Told by mum and dad, he's got sick friends for that
Told by mum and dad, he's got uncles for that
Told by mum and dad, he's got strangers for that

That is what I've learned, dear reader