May sound jerkish, okay
But there's one thing I'm not ever wa-antin'

It's a chi-ild, bro-o-o

I made this choice in my early teen yea-ea-ears
When I had to watch fou-our kids, all younger than fou-ou-ou-our
Where they broke ev'rythin' within their rea-ea-each
And when I told 'em "stop", they cried and bawled
Thought "never agai-ain" and I've stuck by that, frie-ie-ie-ie-iend
I don't wanna go through all that shit

If there's one thing true in my li-i-ife, i-i-it's this:
I never want a baby
That's a promise I will live by-y-y, oh-oh-oh yes
I never want one
No way, no way, no way

No wa-a-ay I'm gonna breed my own obnoxious shi-its
I hate the way they ru-un away from baths, so du-u-umb
Think drawin' crayons on the wall's so cool
Ooh, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate (oh no no, no-o, no-o-o)
Not gonna change my mind, you say I will
"You'll change, see, my baby, she makes me feel great, see-ee"
Then how come when they throw food, you scream?

They won't be improvin' my li-i-ife a-a-a bit
I never want a baby
You won't be a-changin' my mi-i-ind, you-ou-ou twit
Not gonna have a ba-aby
No-o, no, won't change my mi-i-ind
No matter how much you push i-i-it

Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Sick of your type, say I'll want kids in my twilight yea-ea-ears
Won't happen

I do not have the patience to feed them, not a lie
Don't want a baby-y-y
Not to say that I hate them, only a strong dislike
No fan of babie-ie-ies, babies
I'm not changin' no nappies, not wipin' droo-ool all the ti-i-ime
Friggin' babie-ies, no wa-ay, won't have one
Doesn't look fun, the pregnant thing, won't force that on my wi-ife
She wants a baby-y? In that case, we weren't meant to be, may sound choosy-y

Oh-oh, all my datin' profiles onli-i-ine ma-a-ake it
Clear I don't want a baby (ba-aby)
No, don't wanna create new li-i-ife, swea-ea-ear it
Don't want a stupid ba-a-aby
Go adopt one? Afraid that's ri-i-ight ou-ou-out, twit
I cannot raise a baby (ba-aby)
I'm not capable, I can't lie-ie-ie 'bou-ou-out it
Don't trust me with a ba-aby (ba-a-aby)
No, no, clear in my mi-i-ind
Won't deal with all their spittle, twi-i-it

You love the damn thi-ings? That's fi-ine with me, go raise 'em by-y the score
I hate 'em, oka-a-ay? My own chi-ild? No-o-o-o-o-o
Damn thi-ings, the "grea-eatest gift" of ten thousa-and new chores
No wa-ay, no wa-ay, no wa-ay, no wa-ay, no wa-ay