[Section One – the Decorating Frenzy]
Where do all these decorations go?
And won't they just get buried in snow?
Hung all of the Christmas Lights
Light up the Silent Nights
Best in the neighborhood
They look so good!
Blame it onhuman nature,
And over-zeal
But think how it makes the neighbors feel!
Our house is wrecked
Our house is bright
Halls are decked

Add a string of lights, and sing some songs
(Plastic Santa!)
Glamorize and bling our snowy lawn
(Light-up reindeer!)
Our endeavor asks,
Is anybody feeling up to task?
Of competing with our decoration?

[Section Two – the Shopping]
Mother – what have you done?
You spent a thousand bucks
All on a bunch of schmucks
Family – we hardly know
Though they'll come here through the ice and snow

Down at the mall – in the aisle
Blowing cash
There's a present for my cousin Will
Down at the store, credit cards, get maxed out
As the debt, it goes in for the kill
Mother where, have you gone to, I swear
I never thought that I –
Could get lost at the mall
And now it's getting late
No pennies will be squeezed
We will rack up a bill
A bill is what we'll get
A bill is all we need

[Section Three – the Religious Services]
The Christians love the Lord
The church has been packed tight
Pray for their salvation
Pray on this holy night
Nativity's been set
And every hym's been sung
The congregation files out
And there is no doubt
Stockings will be hung

[Section Four – Meanwhile, at the North Pole]
Santa's making time at the North Pole
Tonight he'll need his reindeer to pull him "round the world
The whole world is silent and calm tonight
The kids are tucked in snugly – on this Christmas, white
Santa's fabled sleigh is filled with gifts
It got hard to make presents, cause he laid off some elves
Delivering joy is simple and fast
Santa's been at it for years, busting his jolly ass
Naughty? –
(Sleep)
Or you're nice
(Tight)
He checked his hit list
(Don't pout..)
He checked his list twice
(Watch out)
Rewarding the model young children

[Section Five - the Family Arrives]
I wish I had a dollar – for every angry holler
Dysfunction; relatives
The Christmas tree has been trimmed
And you can stick a present "neath it
And hope you really got it –
That present – which you asked for
New laptop from Gateway
And a brand friggen new iPod
New, iPod, yay!

[Section Six – the North Pole: Again]
Santa Clause is set – loaded up
His Christmas sleigh
Santa's sled, is filled with toys
For all the good little girls and boys
The weather's hell this time of year
But yet Santa, well he doesn't fear

He's got Rudolph to light the way
A trillion kids they do await
Santa to – visit their tree
12 billion presents, but just one night
How does Santa make it turn out right?
One sleigh ride, one jolly guy
Now that Santa Clause is set
(Set!)

[Section Seven – Christmas Night – All Asleep]
The family's gone to bed, to their sugar plum dreams
Just like the old classic rhyme
Mom and Dad, hung a stocking beside the beds
Went to rest their tired heads
They've had their own fair share, yeah.
The television's played "It's a Wonderful Life"
Outside it starts to snow(jingle)
It falls – down softly on the ground
It's quiet all around
A clatter on the roof, yeah
It doesn't' wake the kids
(Wake the kids!)
No it does not wake the kids
(Wake the kids!)
Far too sleepy to care

[Section Eight – Santa's Delivery]
He placed an iPod neath the tree and the he left some dough
"Course he left some other things, like candy and new clothes
Who could want more?
And all of the kids will play
Presents this year:
Will really make their day

[Section Nine – Christmas Morning]
One more gift to please the kids
One more gift to please the kids
One more gift to please the kids,
"Look what he brought me, mommy!"
One more gift to be unwrapped
One more gift to be unwrapped
One more gift to be unwrapped
We're all feeling so Christmas-y

[Section Ten – the Decorating Frenzy, Pt. II]
Lost the battle, lost the war
We had crap, but they had more
Lost the race to hang more lights
But next year, we're gonna win!
Fa-la, la, la, la, fa-la, la, la, la, fa-la, la, la, la, fa-la, la, la, la

[Section Eleven – Driving Through the Snow]
It's snowing real tough, the dangerous roads
There's salt trucks spilling all their load
Visit our kin, need medicine –
For all the stress that we survey

[Section Twelve – At the Relatives]
The family persistence
Is wearing – annoyance!
The presents traded off
The gifts are perfectly selected
Save for what I got from Uncle Ted
We drink our cups of cocoa
Though they drive us all loco
Yet giving gifts is so damn fulfilling


[Section Thirteen – the Wrap-Up]
And so we rest – this Christmas noon
And it feels like – it passed too soon
Food was consumed – consumed this day
Why go against tradition, when we can –
Revel in beef – some ham and wine
Make pigs of ourselves at dinnertime
With grandmas' rolls – baked to a fluff
Eat so much but still can't get enough
Around the world –
This peace is spread
I'd like to raise my glass, propose a toast –
Every year -
We eat like swine –
It's Christmastime

(We stormed the malls – we spent our dough)
(Bunch of presents – drove through the snow)
(We sacrificed – our sanity)
(For Christmas cheer – and family)
[Repeat into fade]