Song Parodies -> "The Gardener"

Original Song Title:

"The Carpenter"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"The Gardener"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Your standard superhero comic civilians tend to be either a) assholes, b) useless or c) completely oblivious to obvious secret identities. This parody contains both a) and c), a rich asshole who refuses to believe that his gardener is, in fact, The Gardener! Enjoy!

Ca-an't be-e true
My help has no hero vo-ocatio-ion
He only pulls my wee-eeds
Lies
Nonsense a-and fairy ta-ales
No powers he ho-o-olds within

The-e Gardener
Ain't that wanker who can't mow my la-a-awn
In due ti-ee-i-i-i-i-ime
Can't see a cape on his lame shoulde-ers
He's too useless and dumb to save any li-i-ives
He's just my ga-arde-ene-e-e-e-er

This hero's schti-ick
With shea-ea-ears and shi-it
Is not tell-tale behaviour
Any cree-eep
With leaves to swee-ee-ee-ee-eep
Could pull it off, bu-ut not mad o-o-old Maurice

My-y gardener
That old wanker, he may sneak off a-a-all
Of the ti-ee-i-i-i-i-ime
But to say he's some super soldie-er?
That's just twelve kinds of dumb, I'll say one more ti-i-ime:
He's not The Ga-arde-ene-e-e-e-er

See, it's too
Cli-iche for a hero's nomencla-ature
To be a clue that would then point ou-ou-ou-out
Their civilian name, it's daft
Maurice ain't your saviour
Yes, they share a unique beard style, still absurd

The-e Gardener
Ain't that wanker, can't go on patro-o-ol
He's not bri-ee-i-i-i-i-ight
See him there, pushing his lawnmowe-er
Just cause he's revealing his suit at this ti-i-ime
Still just a ga-arde-ene-e-e-e-er

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

The outro: just generic "oh"'s, or the rich asshole going "oh, I've been so blind and/or stupid'? YOU MAKE THE CALL.

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Matthias - August 03, 2015 - Report this comment

The Gardener is a pretty lame name for a superhero. What are his powers? The ability to water plants? Trim bushes? Mow the lawn? I think this is a pretty entertaining parody but it would of worked better if you talked about how lame a superhero called The Gardener could be or perhaps make him a gardener as his alter-ego and then called something else as his superhero self. Still a pretty fun parody the way it is though.

Curtis - August 03, 2015 - Report this comment

Poison Ivy would kill him!

Rob Arndt - August 03, 2015 - Report this comment

At first glance, I thought this was about Chauncey Gardiner (aka Chance, the gardener) from the old movie " Being There " starring Peter Sellers! Anyway, 555 on an obscure superhero...

Peter Andersson - August 06, 2015 - Report this comment

We've all dreamt of being Stan Lee, creating superheroes for a living, but take it from me, this guy needs a sidekick already in issue #2, preferably a female one know to the public as Grassy Knoll...

Abbott Skelding - August 12, 2015 - Report this comment

Okay, so I did have this big long comment written out and then my computer shut down...thus deleting said comment. So, bullet points: Not a bad idea, but I would have liked to expand more on the hero part of it...powers/enemies/weaknesses/etc. Also, the stretching out of "Gar-den-er" to fit "car-pen-ter" was a bit of a stretch (literally lol). Good work, but not your best.

Max Power - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment

Just like how Superman's disguise is a pair of glasses...seriously.

Agrimorfee - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment

Same thoughts here, as Abbott & Matthias. You could have made a real wacky parody about a Gardener Superhero. I admire the creative conceit, but this might not have been the OS that would work with it.

Blaydeman - August 26, 2015 - Report this comment

I'm with the general consensus on this, that I would've rather you expand on the character of "The Gardener" instead of his alter-ego's employer. I liked the originality of the idea, but it'd be better if you used a known superhero for this instead of one you made up, because now all we want to know is about this new wacky hero, not his boss! Lol! You could've gone really zany and I would've live to read that. As is, still solid though.

Rob Arndt - August 26, 2015 - Report this comment

Sorry, have to chime in. First of all The Gardener isn't Superhero material IMHO. Sounds more like a codename for a spy or other Intel Operative. Second, he lacks superpowers and is not Metahuman. And third, using a shovel, rake, shears, and weed whacker on someone sounds more like a horror villain than Superhero!!! Think Freddie, Jason, the Shape... It would be nice if you did a sequel parody to explain the origins of the Gardener! The Security Code is AKA :)

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