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Song Parodies -> "Pastor Of Muppets"
Original Song Title:
"Master Of Puppets"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Metallica
Parody Song Title:
"Pastor Of Muppets"
Parody Written by:
Diseased Minds
The Lyrics
My friend Matt and I were listening and singing to Metallica one day back in January of 2004 when Matt accidentally said "Pastor of Muppets" instead of "Master of Puppets." We couldn't stop laughing over the mix-up, and we decided to write a parody about Jim Henson's Muppets acting crazy (as normal) and immoral in their daily lives and how the pastor would go to Hell for it. Since we are both Christians, albeit dirty-minded at times, we wrote this song as a jocoserious, yet direct warning to some of those watered-down preachers who trample on scripture like an elephant in the mud. This song has some religious overtones, but hits the nail on the head (or hands and feet) for true believers who are aware of the dangerous threat of God's Word being destroyed by social perversions which are permitted in the church. Enjoy!
What are you to do?
You have bid adieu
To the ones who ran from safety
God's called them by name
You will be to blame
If they stay where it is shady
Wolves are out to kill
They will eat their fill
Satan's on the loose
He needs no excuse
Protect the pasture
You are their pastor
You're their provider
I warn you pastor, pastor
Pastor of Muppets start counting your sheep
They're running astray while you're sound asleep
Kermit The Frog raped Fozzy The Bear
Statler and Waldorf are starting to swear
Pastor, Pastor
Miss Piggy has nothing quite modest to wear
Pastor, Pastor
You seem so confused
Scripture's been refused
They have ignored your instruction
Don't you even care
About this whole affair
They're all headed for destruction
Snakes venomous strikes
Impaled heads on pikes
It is not too late
To save them from this fate
Instruct them wisely
Show them precisely
This is God's decree
Salvation's free, pastor, pastor
Pastor of Muppets are you aware
Their souls filled with sin like a chocolate eclair
Gonzo has punched out all Animal's teeth
Grover is dressing a Nazi motif
Pastor, Pastor
Ernie is drinking and Big Bird's a thief
Pastor Pastor, Pastor, Pastor
Pastor, Pastor
They're all headed for disaster
Pastor, Pastor
Get it through your head
Faster, Faster
You're the one the Devil's after
Faster, Faster
To prove that God is dead
Now the time is near
See them disappear
Into darkness, into terror
Watch your whole flock moan
At The Great White Throne
Damned forever for your error
Is John three sixteen
Your soul's choice hygiene?
Or are you just a crook
Reading from a book?
The Bible is not flawed
Wisdom is the Rod
Don't try to defraud
The Word of God, pastor, pastor
Pastor of Muppets, please preach the Word
Don't water it down, or it's all absurd
With Christ as your teacher, they'll never ditch class
God gave you a candle, now douse it in gas
Pastor, pastor,
Or are you made of cloth with a hand up your ass?
Pastor, Pastor
(Satan laughing, Muppets scream)
You have bid adieu
To the ones who ran from safety
God's called them by name
You will be to blame
If they stay where it is shady
Wolves are out to kill
They will eat their fill
Satan's on the loose
He needs no excuse
Protect the pasture
You are their pastor
You're their provider
I warn you pastor, pastor
Pastor of Muppets start counting your sheep
They're running astray while you're sound asleep
Kermit The Frog raped Fozzy The Bear
Statler and Waldorf are starting to swear
Pastor, Pastor
Miss Piggy has nothing quite modest to wear
Pastor, Pastor
You seem so confused
Scripture's been refused
They have ignored your instruction
Don't you even care
About this whole affair
They're all headed for destruction
Snakes venomous strikes
Impaled heads on pikes
It is not too late
To save them from this fate
Instruct them wisely
Show them precisely
This is God's decree
Salvation's free, pastor, pastor
Pastor of Muppets are you aware
Their souls filled with sin like a chocolate eclair
Gonzo has punched out all Animal's teeth
Grover is dressing a Nazi motif
Pastor, Pastor
Ernie is drinking and Big Bird's a thief
Pastor Pastor, Pastor, Pastor
Pastor, Pastor
They're all headed for disaster
Pastor, Pastor
Get it through your head
Faster, Faster
You're the one the Devil's after
Faster, Faster
To prove that God is dead
Now the time is near
See them disappear
Into darkness, into terror
Watch your whole flock moan
At The Great White Throne
Damned forever for your error
Is John three sixteen
Your soul's choice hygiene?
Or are you just a crook
Reading from a book?
The Bible is not flawed
Wisdom is the Rod
Don't try to defraud
The Word of God, pastor, pastor
Pastor of Muppets, please preach the Word
Don't water it down, or it's all absurd
With Christ as your teacher, they'll never ditch class
God gave you a candle, now douse it in gas
Pastor, pastor,
Or are you made of cloth with a hand up your ass?
Pastor, Pastor
(Satan laughing, Muppets scream)
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User Comments
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Cool title- 555!
The Muppets are owned by Walt Disney Studios, NOT JIM HENSON.
Well Jim Henson and his wife Jane created the Muppets in 1955. Disney tried to do a merger in 1989, but Henson was against it. He died the following year while Disney was still trying to negotiate the deal. They didn't finally acquire the IP until 2004. So yeah, as far as I'm concerned, they still belong to Henson. Disney's a bunch of grave robbers. :P
Duuuuude! This parody is great! I was expecting it to just be silly, but it's actually pretty profound, with creative rhymes and witty patterns, with a great wham line at the end that brings it all around. Plus it's still funny in a dark way. Some of the words require a little adjustment to fit the rhythm, and overlapping of vocals at each prefrain (I dunno, is that a word? The little bits before the refrain? I dunno that's what I'll call 'em, lol). But it's a surprisingly solid piece. Great work! :D
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