Well, my clothes could really use a wash
Once were white, but now they are black
My clothes could really use a wash
The odour of doo-doo, that's kinda crap

And I'll never forget the faces people make
Oh no, no way
So my clothes could really use a wash
Yeah, my clothes could really use a wash
My clothes could really use a wash
But I won't do that
I don't give a crap

My t-shirt is rather greasy
It's like they were dipped in lard
Don't matter to me at all
'Cause they're easier to slip on, friend

Yeah, sometimes they catch on fire
They're covered in oily shite
And I couldn't give a monkey's ass, livens up my day no end

Maybe I'm lazy
Oh I'm lazy, yes, it's true
You don't have to save me
I don't need no cleaning tips from you

I don't need the sound of the whirring
The washing machine, no churning
I don't need no hygiene crap from you
You better believe it

Yeah my clothes may kinda need a wash
My shorts are fused to my anal crack
Yeah my clothes may need to have a wash
My jeans are a holey artifact
And I'll never forgive my shoes for going on their own way
Last night

Yeah, my clothes could really use a wash
But I won't do that
I don't give two craps

My clothes could really use a wash
All of my crust-encrusted socks
But I just won't do that

My clothes could really use a wash
All of my boots as hard as rocks
Just give it up, dude...

The stench of my shorts is violent
It pierces through to your soul
And I think your quest to get my clothes washed is getting rather droll

Yeah, maybe I'm smelly
At least I'm not a nosy creep
Hey, maybe u jelly?
Jealous of my easy life, eh Steve?

Yeah, that was a stupid question
Don't be mad, I'm only jestin'
I'd tell you the truth, but I tell you
You wouldn't believe it

Those clothes that could really use a wash?
And I swear it's true, no made-up facts
The clothes that really use a wash?
And I swear this ain't no stalling act

I made jokes about their sentience but it's actually true
It's wrong
So wrong

And those clothes don't want to have a wash
They're acting like very smelly dogs
Yeah, those clothes don't want to have a wash
And if I do that
Then they'll stab me in the back

Those clothes could really use a wash
I'd need a chisel and some tongs
But I just won't do that

Those clothes could really use a wash
Can even see their smelly fog
But I just won't do that

Those clothes could really use a wash
But they think killing them is wrong
They won't let me, dude...

And so what I am asking
Of you: would you please save my life
Today?

Cuz the clothes that really need a wash
Won't let me do that
Or they'll stab my back

Steve:
Oh, you crack me up
You're a crazy clown
Now I think it's time to make your clothes go round and round
Would you prefer a hot wash or a cold?

Me:
No, it's the facts! No, I'm not making up crap!

Steve:
Come to mention it, I can now see your brown socks
They're around your neck and squeezing harder - hey socks, won't you stop (stop!)
Should I hose 'em down with, what else, a hose?

Me:
Yes, please go do that! Ow, ow should be out the back!

Steve:
Before I go, there is just one more thing
If I do this for you, then you must promise this thing
You must wash ev'ry day from now on

Me:
I will do that! Now spray me, twat!

Steve:
I've got the hose here, buddy, I went around
I got it 'fore I came here cause you smell foul!
Sorry for teasin' you and screwin' around

Me:
Just hose me, twat, before I get stabbed!

My clothes need a wash
Or they will kill me, that kinda sucks!
My clothes, they really need a wash
But I can't do that
Steve, could you do that?