Doctor Atkins
Told his patients
They can eat just what they want
I have suffered
More than ever
There are goals that can't be won
Richard Simmons
Please forgive me
Cause it's time I weighed a ton
I have broken
Chairs and tables
So give me... a tasty sticky bun!

Everybody needs a body they love (blubber blubber)
Everybody needs a body that's lean (please don't eat me!)
Always in the kitchen eating health foods and stuff
But it's hard to be strong when you can't get your pants on!

Hey!
Don't you ever diet again!
Lard, we've gotta keep the weight
Hey!
Don't you want some chocolate cake?
Now we've gotta keep the weight!
Keep the weight, keep the weight
Lard, we've gotta keep the weight

Don't you tell me you can diet
You're just wasting all your life
Did I tell you, you are hopeless?
Just pride yourself and bite, yeah!

Everybody needs a body they love (blubber blubber)
Everybody needs a body that's lean (please don't eat me!)
Everybody's eatin' tons of sugary stuff
You can always be strong if you can't get your pants on!

Hey!
Let's go have potatoes and steak!
Lard, we've gotta keep the weight
Hey!
Don't you want a chocolate shake?
Right, Now we've gotta keep the weight!
Go and make some chocolate souffle
Lard you've gotta keep the weight, keep the weight
Keep the weight
Oh, you've gotta keep the weight...

Food, yeah

Yeah yeah yeah!

(sitar plays the guitar solo)

I've been walkin' in the footsteps
Of whoever makes pies
I don't like what I see in the mirror
I wish everyone else was blind
Sometimes I'll wait forever...
I'll stand out in the rain...
So no-one goes before me...
To the all-you-can-eat buffet

Doctor doctor,
There's things I know I can't eat
But ev'ry night before bed
It's hard with a fridge at my place
Put the pounds on, put the pounds on, yeah!

How you gonna live with your legs?
Lard, you've gotta keep the weight!
You should eat eighteen meals a day
Right now you've gotta keep the weight
Try to load up, try to load up, yeah,
(misc outro)