His waiting room is down the stairs
Innocent children are sitting everywhere
They all feel dread when he calls their name
They know they'll soon be in a world of pain

Oh this awful dentist gives me grief
Pulling kids' perfectly healthy teeth
Some might be scum, but he's beneath
Pulling kids' perfectly healthy teeth

It started back in 1988
When he started taking Medicaid
They paid him for every tooth he took
And so he found a way to cook the books

Oh this awful sadist gives me grief
Pulling kids' perfectly healthy teeth
Some might be low, but he's beneath
Pulling kids' perfectly healthy teeth

He loves those teeth, whiter than pearls
Makes jewelry from them to give to girls
That necklace you bought on the 'net
Those "gems" ain't from the ground, you'd better bet

There oughta be a law, set in stone
You pull good teeth and they take your own
Or feed you to a hungry giant plant
Let's give Seymour a great big federal grant

Oh this evil genius gives me grief
Pulling kids' perfectly healthy teeth
Some might be dirt, but he's beneath
Pulling kids' perfectly healthy teeth

Wonder if there's more out there
For my poor teeth I am scared
Maybe the anti-Dentites have it right
You'd best protect your pearly whites

Oh that awful dentist gives me grief
Pulling kids' perfectly healthy teeth
When he's locked up we'll feel relief
You don't pull perfectly healthy teeth