In the not-so-distant future
Way down in Deep 13
Joel Hodgson and Mike Nelson
Were hatching an evil scheme!

Took Doc Forrester and TV's Frank—
Just a couple of schlubs who didn't rank;
Their experiments needed a good test case,
So they conked 'em on their noggins and they shot 'em into space!

("We... want... OUT!!!")

"We'll send them wretched movies,
Our worst surplus finds!" (Tra la la!)
"They'll have to sit and watch them all
While we monitor their minds!" (Tra la la!)

Now keep in mind they can't control
Where each movie begins or ends— (Tra la la!)
Because those special parts got used
To make their robot friends...

Robot Roll Call:
Vidbot! ("This job sucks!")
Romy! ("This makes no sense!")
Joe Gumball! ("I'm the straight bot!")
Goooaaal! ("You're all freaks!")

If you wonder how these schlubs eat and breathe
And other plot point facts, (Tra la la!)
Then repeat to yourself "It's just a show;
I really ought to relax..."

...For Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand!
[Discordant note plays as a guitar string snaps.]