Turn off the TV
Turn off the crap
Put away your school books
Climb up in my lap
And I'll tell you a story
A semi-true story
About my best friend Cassie
So elementary

We won't even travel out to Hampton Roads
We don't need any maps
Just me and yous alone
And my best friend Cassie
A semi-true story
About my best friend Cassie
So elementary

Oh, I remember that day in my gym class
When I met her for the first time
Never did I know
That we became best friends
She won a hundred thirty thousand
On one of my game shows
She's a self-proclaimed Parrothead
And a volleyball superstar

Now, some folks like icing
Some folks like cake
Some just swim in the ocean
Some paddle in a lake
Where you can get into Jeopardy!
Or you can groove on Cassie Reed
But keep it simple, stupid
That's all you need to know
About my best friend Cassie
A semi-true story
She's my best friend Cassie
So elementary

My best friend Cassie
She might just be for me
She's my best friend Cassie
That's what it's meant to be