Well they seemed alright, if a little snug and tight,
Though they looked a little faded and meek,
I tried to pretend I was a size ten again,
But my body had other plans this week.
Well I fell in love with those pink hot-pants,
And they called to me "off the rail",
They were only 19.99 in M&S,
In the January Sale!

Well I figured they'd be ok for a night on the town,
With a snug little shirt and a sexy brown tan.
Boy was I proud to wear the clothes I did when I was young,
But maybe hot-pants weren't meant for a 40 year old gran!
Some blokes whistled and some blokes balked,
But I just wiggled and went on my way.
And when time ran out, thank God there was no one about,
As the seams at the rear gave way!

Chorus:
God the seems burst!
God I'd no pants on!
God my butts naked in Times Square!
What can I do?
I can run but I'd wobble,
I can walk and hobble,
Kill me now,
My life is over!
19.99 in the January Sale!

Well I brought many a smile and muffled sniggers,
By the time I got home and shut the door,
I dived under my bed and cursed M&S,
And left the house no more!
I ain't saying never January sale shop again,
But ignore a 50 buck deduction "off the rails",
Dignity I can never regain,
Thanks to January Sales.

Chorus

Thanks to January Sales