May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Christians please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Christians please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a real Bible before
Jaws all on the floor, you're scared,
like Jesus just burst in the door
and started judgin your life, shoulda done more
the verse calls you "whore", actually makin ya feel bad (Ahh!)
It's the return of the "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
"But Dr. Phil said..." psychology is crap!
Sigmund Freud's dead, he's burnin in hell!
Feminist women love carnal sin
"judge judge judge
Bible-thumpers, I'm sick of them
Look at 'em, walkin around readin their you-know-what
Prayin to you-know-who", "But Billy Graham's nice though"
Yeah, but Billy's got a couple of screws up in his head loose
He's got worse, he fraternizes in the pope's bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and tell the truth, but can't
cuz it's time for Paul Crouch to brainwash the youth
"Your sin is no big deal, your sin is no big deal
Don't listen when they say your bible version isn't real"
And that's the message that they deliver to our kids
and wonder why they don't know what they're doing God forbids
Of course they gonna lose their faith to Darwin
by the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals." Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes
Cuz if you teach 'em they're animals and give 'em dope
they'll see no reason why a man and another man can't elope
But if you know what I know, you got the antidote
Apologetics up your nose, sing the chorus and it goes

We're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you don't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Cuz we're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you won't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

"Joel Osteen don't gotta yell in his sermons to make a point"
well we do; Osteen just sucks up to you
You think he gives a crap about your soul?
Most of you Christians never read the Bible, just take a poll
"But dude, what's with the 'tude, why must you yell?"
Why? Cuz you guys could soon die and go to hell!
It's no joke, don't get me wrong, you're in my prayers
But queen Joyce Meyer better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Peter Ruckman and Sam Gipp
and hear 'em preach the Bible, even parts others skip
The little witch, makin money preachin heresy
"I'm so wise, and now I live in a mansion, hee-hee!"
I should download her books on MP3
and show the whole world how her and the Devil agree [AHHH!]
I'm sick of these lying TV preachers, all I do is annoy you
but they have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of 'em just like that
who trap like that; who just don't give a crap like that
who misbehaved; walk, talk and act depraved
the bills are paid, the pews are full, but they're not saved!

But we're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you don't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Cuz we're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you won't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

You say I'm real hard to listen to, of course cuz I'm givin you
things you joke about with your friends as if it wasn't true
Your church is bogus and I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
Cuz us fundamentalists get it
and whether you like to admit it, your church should be splitted
More than ninety percent of you aren't saved
And you wonder why your kids eat up these sins like vitamins
It's crazy; cuz at the rate they're goin when they're thirty
I'll be the only person not with the Devil flirting
playing with the demons that are in the shadows lurkin
and they're hurtin cuz their stupid hail marys aren't workin
and every single person is a sin-lovin jerk and
they will keep workin on new versions, creating more perversions
They say never mind conversions
They think Bible-lovers suck
but they're goin down cuz they're out of luck
So will the real Christians please stand up?
And say a prayer to the Lord with both hands up?
cuz these people are outta their minds and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

We're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you don't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Cuz we're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you won't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Cuz we're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you don't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Cuz we're real Christians, yes I'm a real Christian
All you other dumb Christians are deaf you won't listen
So won't the real "Jesus freaks" please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?