[CHORUS]:
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. {scratches} Slim Schwabby
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. {scratches} Slim Schwabby

Ahem.. excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the team
for one second?

Hi kids! Do you like hockey pucks? (Yeah yeah yeah!)
I stop em all, even the ones shot by Keith Tckchackujk (Uh-huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah yeah!)
Shut out the NHL and be a fan for all the kids? (Huh?)
My blocker's dead weight, I'm tryin to get my mask straight
but I can't figure out which mask strap I wanna replace (Ummmm..)
And Ed Belfour said "Slim Schwabby you're a bench warmer!"
Uh-uhhh! "So why's your stick bent, man you need defense!
Well since age twelve, I've felt like I'm in need of help
Cause I couldn't beat the original 6 without workin like hell
Got pissed off and ripped all my equipment off
And smacked Hextall so hard I put him outta the post season like the Blackhawks!
I catch a fat pound of rubber and fall on my a**
faster than Nidermayer who got elbowed too fast
C'mere hockey net! (Schwabby, wait a minute, that's CuJo's job!)
I don't give a damn, Quinn sent me to back the team up!

Chorus

Tampa Bay wanted to trade me in 95
Thanks a lot, my new number will be thirty-five
Pat Quinn never gave me a chance in the NHL
I owned all teams in CuJo's absence, they burned in hell! (Owwwwwwww!)
Walked in the ACC, had my skates laced up
past Keith Acton, and he tried to change the lineup!
Extra-attackers, runnin all over the ice surface
while they all screamin at me: "I GOT A CHANCE!"
Ninety-nine percent is my puck stop percentage
The other 1% is the NHL being aggressive!
I told my mom I'd grow up to be a famous goalie
Make it to the NHL, and play for Tampa B (Oh thank you!)
It's hard to be a backup without any fans
with posters in the stands, but I need me some fans (Aaahhhhhh!)
This defenseman at the ACC asked for my autograph
(Dude, can I get your autograph?)
So I signed it: 'Dear Anders, thanks for the backup, a**hole!'

Chorus

Stop the game! This game needs to be put away! (Get him!)
Ed Belfour, don't just stand there, stay away!
I'm not ready to leave, I don't wanna be benched (^&%^ that!)
With Belfour back in net, there's another cup that we can't clench!
(Huh yup!) Am I comin or goin? I can barely stay
We can't win with the extra attacker -- dare me to play? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
Irbe's fists are to small to hide, drop the gloves Irbe I don't mind!
(Whoops!) Equipment ripped like the Incredible Hulk (hachhh-too)
I spit when I drink, I'll fall in love with the rink! (C'mere)
When I was in the AHL I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
HOW YOU GONNA LAST BELFOUR? (WAH!)
YOU AIN'T GOT NO KIDS! (WAHHH!)
Players help encourage me almost like their were my dads
Put a protective vest on and tap myself on the pads (BANG!)
I'm steamin mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah?)
Tell him if he's seen my page in the Leafsport merchandise mag!

Chorus