They say Nick and I run the country
(Well I do, he just makes tea)
But now things aren’t the same
Some say his trust in me is dying
He looks like he’s been crying
And I’m scared I’ll get the blame

So I said “Nick you’re my… best li’l Lib Deputy”
He said “Dave, I’ve heard all that shit before
And if I recall you said ‘we’re in this together’ ”
And I said “Well that’s… a long time ago… ”

As PM I’m merely overrated
While Cleggy Boy is hated
Guess I’m just more slick
It’s harsh now, but it’s not my fault is it
When Obama came to visit
That he liked me, not Nick

‘Cause I said “Nick you’re my… best li’l Lib Deputy
I swear we’re equal and in the same boat
Both ambassadors sharing the media spotlight
Okay mate? Now please… take Obama’s coat… ”

Nick says the coalition is broken
Since then we haven’t spoken
And things have been quite tense
Sulking – is this the way he thanks me?
I hate it when he blanks me
So now I’m mending that fence

And I’ll say “Nick you’re my… best li’l Lib Deputy
You’re so much more than a useless spare part”
And I’ll say it so nicely, and hope he believes it
Because the truth would just break his poor heart

*** instrumental bit, while David gives it his best shot...!***

Well I’ve said “Nick you’re my… best li’l Lib Deputy
You feel excluded, I know, I can tell
But just spitting your dummy is not very manly”
And I don’t think that he took that too well

When I said “Nick you’re my… best l’il Lib Deputy”
Why can’t he chill out and go with the flow?
And he might recall I said “We’re in this together”
But, face it, that was…. a long time ago…!