Sit in the Vauxhall on the track
where everybody understands
the concept of heel and toe.

In between the seat and wheel,
better drivers get a feel.
Try to drive around fast, not slow.

I start the car, put it in gear,
push the gas, and show no fear.
How fast? I don't know.

Jeremy says I'm flying.
On the show, I think he's lying.
Why? I don't know.

On Top Gear, they have lots of fans.
On Top Gear, wrecking caravans.

A tame racing driver with a helmet on his head
came to teach me some lessons for this gig.
Some say he's not human or he's mentally unbalanced.
All we know is that he's called "The Stig".

I race the car around the track and set my lap time.
I think I'm close to understanding Mansell.
Clarkson says I did relatively well.
I'm just glad I finished before we got cancelled.

On Top Gear, they turn cars into trains.
On Top Gear, they race with aeroplanes.
On Top Gear, they drop pianos on Morris Marinas.
On Top Gear, James does what he does.

Oh no, Richard asked "How hard can it be?"
Should have known better.
Now it's all gone wrong and he can see
he should have known.

He says "That has not gone well."
I see I know that there's a tale to tell.

But the man in the car on the show's test track
says Richard's car's not coming back.
Can't you see the frame is crumbling?

But he's looking at a Jaguar.
Says he's thinking of making
it amphibious.
He must be crazy or something.

On Top Gear, they've got very crazy minds.
On Top Gear, they're driving all the time.
On Top Gear, the Dacia Sandero got smashed up by a truck.
On Top Gear, they never, ever, ever, ever run out of luck.

They're racing buses
and motor homes
on Top Gear.

James says as you'd expect,
he's done this properly
on Top Gear.

And Jeremy makes his comments
and ticks off lots of people
on Top Gear.

I said they're racing with bikes
on Top Gear.

And racing with joggers in rush hour
on Top Gear.

And on that bombshell,
and on that bombshell,
it's time to end.