As I work in the valley of the shadows of hell
Saw something in the corner that didn't look too well
I never realized who it had been
My ex-co worker who had just been fired then, fool
She said with a grin "I got fired, Drew."
Now I imagine what hell she had just been through
I don't feel well and I don't really mind
'Cause the lines have been long since 1969

We've been spending all our lives working in a retail paradise
All pain and sacrifice working in a retail paradise
Clean up spills of long grain rice working in a retail paradise
Hell'd be a bit more nice than working in a retail paradise

I walked up to the lines they were so long
People bit***ng and moaning like we did wrong
I would beg and plead for forgiveness per se
But that would look odd and rather gay, fool
I went to the manager's office and I took a seat
They say, "How about a promotion to playing with meat?"
I answered with a wide ass smile on my face
"Hell yeah!" Then disapearred without a trace

No discounts on food or single eateries
Pain in the asses most definitely
We've been spending all our lives working in a retail paradise
Stick your head in a vice working in a retail paradise
Can't get s**t for half price working in a retail paradise
But beware of head lice working in a retail paradise

Back in my area where I play with meat
This job pays more and it's pretty sweet
There's other places I could work but I will just stay here
Cause after I get off I drink a case of beer, fool
I can't believe it, why would my neighbor cough?
I told my manager I would need the night off
She said "There's stuff you just have to do!"
So I threw my badge down and said "Screw you!"

We've been spending all our lives working in a retail paradise
Worst coachings since Mike Tice working in a retail paradise
Parking lot fights are nice working in a retail paradise
Here's a piece of good advice, Never work in retail paradise!

(Song fades)