You can tell your friends
About my contact lens
Describe ev'ry mole on my behind
Say I'm overweight and stout
And my hair is falling out
Even say I'm stupid, I won't mind

Spread rumors I'm low class
And pass a lotta' gas
As lazy as a hippo 'round the house
Say I smell bad from B.O.
That up a lot I throw
And I could win the prize for perfect louse..

But, don';t trash my part
My Inky Dinky Part
Such things are sacred to a man
Oh, please don't spill the beans
About what's in my jeans
Don't divulge it's just a two inch span

You can tattle that I'm gay
Altho' I'm not that way
Inform 'em that I never take a bath
Relate of times, I chose
To wear your pantyhose
And that I am terrible at math

Tell them I pick my nose
Have real bad taste in clothes
Very often mix a brown with black
Say I'm thin as a rail
Have a stubby pony tail
Look like a doberman, seen from the back

Since your diving flip
Off our relationShip
I'm hearin' thru the grapevine, how you gab
But, when you're with the girls
And tradin gossip pearls
Here's one secret, I hope you won't blab..

Please, don't trash my part
My Inky Dinky Part
Such things are sacred to a man
Don't make no retorts
About what's in my shorts
Keep my privates private if you can..