I’ve had relations, with black and white Dalmatians.
I’ve made a pass, at many a giraffe.
And just cos you eat hay, I won’t turn you away.
I’m sure that we’ll be able, to find a relationship that’s stable.

Bestiality, strong and warm and wild and free.
Bestiality, some laws might apply to me.

A nuclear submarine does not turn me on.
But give me a lusting, thrusting nuclear bomb.
I had an uncle who once played, with the monkeys at Whipsnead.
At night when he couldn’t sleep, he’d do much more than just count sheep.

Bestiality, strong and warm and wild and free.
Bestiality, some laws might apply to me.

When I met you, you were just a pup.
You were soft and small and hairy.
But now your hair is grey and thin like Archbishop Carey.
I feel a total fool, when you lie on the pillow and drool.

I’m going way down, to the planet of the apes.
Safe sex doesn’t mean no sex; it just means use strong sellotape.
If you want to draw the line, try a sex starved porcupine.
I had a hedgehog once who loved me; she got run down by a Ford Capri.
Bestiality, strong and warm and wild and free.
Beastiality, some laws might apply to me.

Beastiality, don’t threaten me with BSE.