(Instrumental chorus for intro)

Hey Santa! I know where you're goin'.
Now 's the time to start your ho-ho-hoin'.
(Hey Ribber! Where you gonna be?)
I'm putting those presents under that Christmas tree.
I can hear that happy sound that's comin' from the roof:
The prancing and the pawing - of each little reindeer hoof!
So may your days be merry and bright.
It's you and me and old Rudolph makes three tonight!

(Instrumental break)

I know this guy named Claus.
He comes around because
His gig is bringing all that holiday cheer.
I say "Hey Claus move it over!
I'm sitting by your side!
I'm comin' with you on your magic ride!"
Santa's toys are made by Elves so there's no need to dread.
Unlike toys from Wal-Mart shelves - they don't have Chinese lead!
May all your Christmases be white!
It's you and me and old Rudolph makes three tonight!

(Full chorus instrumental. I usually play snippets of carols in the solo)

Hey Santa! It just started snowin'.
Now's the time to get those reindeer goin'.
(Hey Ribber! Join me in a song!)
You might think that the words I sing are wrong!
Christmas Day I have to play - but you know that's old news.
You can keep the cookies - 'cause I just want to booze!
As he exclaimed ere we rode out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all of you good night!"
It's you and me and old Rudolph makes three tonight!
It's you and me and Old Rudolph makes three...

(Drunken trombone playing)
(Spoken)Hey, Santa baby, have you been sipping my peppermint schnapps?
(CRASH....silence)
Way to go, Santa! You just ran over Grandma!