Aromatherapist:

Ma chere Mademoiselle, it is with reeking pride
And foulest pleasure that we welcome you tonight
And now we invite you to relax
Just suck in the air as our clinic proudly presents -
Your treatment!

Breathe our gas! Breathe our gas!
Let your schnozzle whiff the blast
Flare your nostrils with panache, Madame
And we will let it pass
Cool and mild
Hot and wild
Highly fetid, rank and vile
Try and sniff us

Rip:

Odorif'rous

Aromatherapist:

Don't believe me? Smell the richness
Sulfur springs, garbage dumps
Emanating from our rumps
And the atmosphere is never second class
Go on, indulge your senses
Take your lumps and then just
Breathe our gas
Yes, our gas
Breathe our gas!

Aromatherapist and Staff:

Beans and brew
Rancid nuts
Rotten eggs inside our guts

Aromatherapist:

We're prepared to fill the air
With stench that never goes away!
Don't bemoan
Don't beware
All the flatulence we share
No one's timid or restraining
Smile, the farts are entertaining
Severed cheese! Broken wind
Fueled by adrenalin

Staff:

And we call you to join in
With farts to let
Come on and part your ass
Just grunt and let it pass
We'll breathe your gas

Aromatherapist:

Make it last
Do partake in our repast

Staff:

Breathe our gas! Breathe our gas! Breathe our gas!
Blow your worries out your ass
Let us say for your entree
We've an array to break your fast:
Try a wedge of moldy cheese
With the cabbage Cantonese
It's a real farter starter
Don't believe me? Add some tartar
Raisin pie! Sorghum meal!
What fart-producing deal!
That's bound to leave you bloated up and vast
If that don't do the trick
Then this will make you rip:
Just breathe our gas!

Aromatherapist:

Breathe our gas!

Staff:

Breathe our gas!

Mrs Squat:

Let some gas! Let some gas!
Sakes alive, just let it pass!
Fizzy fume or wild ka-boom
Or louder than a sonic blast!
Go beserk, you'll be free
And my dear you'll be relieved
While your guts'll feel like spewing
You'll be rumbling, you'll be stewing
You'll get warm, cheeks will part
Heaven's sakes! Bestill my heart!
Let it out! And leave the clinic staff aghast

Staff:

She's got some wind to spew!

Mrs Squat:

But don't do number two
Just let some gas!

Staff:

She's got gas!

Mrs Squat:

She's got gas!

Staff:

She's got gas!

Breathe her gas! Breathe her gas! Breathe her gas!

Aromatherapist:

Life is so obstructive
For a farter unproductive
She feels ill without the will to let it out
So polite to everyone around her...
Suddenly a spastic colon bout
Ten years she's been stifling
Holding back instead of rifling
All those toxic bombs of odor undeterred!
One day she just strays from home and shelter
Full of gas and smarting
She walks by and hears us farting!

Staff:

Breathe our gas! Breathe our gas!
Ain't it grand, what we've passed
Feel the tears induced by ev'rybody here
We're unsurpassed
Makes you reel, makes you faint
Yes, indeed, we hear your plaint
With our putrid puffs a-blowing
Let us help you with your woe, and
In due course, you'll let one
And you'll shout, "Enough! I'm done!"
Then you'll zing another creeper from your ass
Tonight you'll drop to sleep, oh
No more counting sheep, so
Breathe our gas!
Breathe our gas!
Breathe our gas!
Please, breathe our gas!