Looking for a head of hair?
Got a lot of skin up there
Causing everyone to stare?

Soon I will show you the way
You can cap off your dismay
Get rid of that hell toupee
That looks like Snape everyday

We agree it isn’t fair
That your scalp becomes so bare
When your head grows through your hair

“Chrome Dome” is not a cliché
Your head reflects the sun’s rays
“Disco Ball” now is your name
Looks like your head is aflame

Your head’s like a flare
Man it shines
Yes it’s quite a glare
In my eyes
If it makes you swear
Don’t decline
To get a head of hair
Just like mine

Male pattern baldness, go ‘way
Alopecia ends today
With our new miracle spray

Surgery was just a craze
Pills might work one of these days
Minoxidil? You should just pray

Put reservations aside
It’s time for you to decide
We wouldn’t lie, and besides
It’s guaranteed (unless tried)

Life’s so fine with hair
It’s divine
You’ll look fine with hair
I opine
You’ll see signs of hair
All the time
If you just sign right there
On the line

Thanks for your order today
It’s fifty dollars (a day)
You want a refund? No way!