Don't Van the Halen,
I'd rather find Fardeen,
Cause my ears aren't ready,
To hear the band sing.

I don't feel like dancing,
Or running to hit the ground,
So don't Van the Halen,
Just smash it on the ground.

Before you play that album, you best be thinking twice.
You got a grumpy and hungry doggy, with thess mad dog eyes.
I'm in the mood for some Pearl Jam, not that rocking mess,
Before you run with the devil, could I make one request?

Don't Van the Halen,
I'd rather hear some Osbourne,
Ernie, I've been sleeping,
And I can hear you blow the horn.
I don't feel like dancing,
Or running to hit the ground,
So don't Van the Halen,
Just smash it on the ground.

Boy, I like country,
I like rock 'n' roll,
But when Van Halen comes popping, best not hear their soul,
There ain't nothing like The Rolling Stones, or Beatles, or Bruce Springsteen.
Before you send me some ice cream, Garfield, stop the song for me.

You don't Van the Halen,
I'd rather hear Pink Floyd,
There's a brick in the wall,
That wants me to enter the void.
I don't feel like dancing,
Or running to hit the ground,
So don't Van the Halen,
Just smash it on the ground.

You don't Van the Halen,
Just smash it on the ground.