Well, I'm worse than any cancer known
And I'm certain that I'll make you ail
But mister that's not good cause deep inside
I gotta job to make your organs fail

You got some swelling in your glands right now
Some major throbbing in your chest
You got some pain, polyps, tumors and how
So you better try and hope for the best

But you'll say:
"Please help me doctor sir...is there a cure for me?"
Let me say it now, he'll tell you "no"
You ain't never had a virus like me, no, no, no!

Life is a wondrous thing
Until it comes to me
Pain and suffering's what I bring
Cause you ain't never had a virus like me

Yes sir, I'm proud to be a virus
I'm so small, I can't be seen!
I sneak around to bring you down
Now tell me, isn't that just cruel and mean?

Maybe I'll let you live
But I choose not to let that be
Cause I'm in the mood to kill you, dude
You ain't never had a virus like me

Do your friends do this? *cough, cough, cough*
Do your friends do that? *barf, barf, barf*
Do your friends groan like this *groan*... most all the time?
Do your friends go *GASP!!*...There goes my heart!
Do your friends just beg the doctor to pull the plug
And make the misery disappear

So don't lay there hot-fevered, bloodshot-eyed
I'm here to make you barf out your guts
Dissolved a kidney side, you thought I lied
I'll make your heart valves permanently shut

I got a powerful urge to take you out
So how do you feel? I really wanna know!
You take three different medicines, no doubt
But I'm still gonna torture you like so, oh no!

So Mr. Deathly-Ill
You'll never get rid of me
I'm on the job
You sickly slob

You ain't never had a virus...
Never had a virus...
You ain't never had a virus...
Never had a virus...
You ain't never...had a...virus like me!

You ain't never had a virus like me, yeah!