Well I heard that you're leavin'
You want to leave me far behind
Looking for a brand new lover
Some uncertain things stuck in my mind

So I pulled something out of your cookie jar
And I tore your magazines in half
And I blew up a Burger King where we used to go
Just because you must not make me laugh

That's right,you want to do some prank calling
Some new way to find somebody new
And I'd rather spend eternity calling up my brother's girlfriend
It's one buck a minute or two

Just when you thought you can call up
Your cousin,only this time
Making your voice sound like Heffer Wolfe
But your cousin thinks this call can be a crime

Oh no,you dweeb,just tell me who you are
You had your cell phone with you
And I'd rather call my cops on you or you have to believe this fine
It's one buck a minute or two

You love to call up your school teachers every night
And tell them there are women turned into men
You're telling someone to give your dad a fight
Again and again and again and again and again
(Oh can't you see what I'm trying to tell ya idiot!)

I'd rather change the tone of my cell phone
To something that's sounded very crude
I'd rather have to keep track of other people's phony calls
It's one buck a minute or two

Yes, I'd rather live in a telephone booth
In case I've worried about some of you
I'd rather call up my grandpa and beat my pregnant girlfriend up
It's one buck a minute or two

I'd rather call up the police and tell the NBA to cancel an all-star game
It's one buck a minute or two