I've taken challenges that were ha-ard
Bragged all about them for da-ays
Sang a bunch of showtunes while wearin' a tutu
But this new challenge is lame
Very la-a-ame
To pay my bi-ills, gotta stand sti-ill
Upon this pi-illar high
Dunno how long ago the guy said sta-art
But I can't feel my thighs
Ow, my thi-i-ighs

Cause they said so-o, I'm on this totem po-ole, I don't like i-it
It blo-ows, stuck on this totem po-ole
I don't like i-it, cause i-it wrecks my shoes
My fav'rite, fav'rite, fav'rite, fav'rite sh-sh-sh-sh-shoes
Hey!

You may think you're the next Mrs. Fields
But ev'ry single damn one of your meals
Would be refused if served in a pig sty
I'll say it again, to make sure you heard right

Bad cooker
Nothin' you make tastes goo-ood
Bad cooker
Rather eat chunks of woo-ood

You're always late for big presentations
And I know where the blame lands
It's all cause you're lost in the tension
Between Georgia and Comic Sans

You're kind of obsessed with your fo-onts
You're pretty obsessed with those fo-onts
You're always obsessed with your fo-onts
Not that important, mind, could pick Times
New Roman with speed

It's those co-o-o-o-offee shop hipsters
Spare me, spare me, spare me the toffee-snob 'tude

Don't like the sun
It hurts, so-o I'm underground
'Fraid of the sun
It burns, won't let it bring me down
Unfair to me, yes it is
The sun's racist against undead dudes
Can't you see, my life just sucks
Because of the sun

And you know I hate Mondays
That's the day that Nermal co-omes
And lasagna doesn't taste great
That is when I feel glum

Shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot
Shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot
Shoo-oo-oo-oot, damn
Shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot
Shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot
Shoo-oo-oo-oot

There's little need to introduce myself
I'm a business ma-an of fame (shoo-shoot)
Though I've worked hard in this town for years
Then this "hero" shows up from space (shoo-shoot)
So-called "Big Blue" (shoo-shoot)
Superman's his name (shoo-shoot, shoo-shoot, shoo-shoot)
He's a hero to you (shoo-shoot)
But I just don't trust his game (shoo-shoot, shoo-shoot, shoo-shoot)

I scream "Hey (hey), douche (douche)! Get off of that bough-ough
Dumb (dumb) tool (tool)! Get off of that bough-ough
Hey (hey), fool (fool)! Get off of that bough-ough
Won't be around if you fall out"

Have some tea, Hatter
Some more tea? Hatter
Why's a raven like a writing desk? Just guess, just guess, just guess
Cause I don't know the answer
Have some tea, Mad Hatter
Some more tea? Hatter

It gets repetitive, so I feel it's lame, so why
Does ev'ryone wear leather?
Hope someone 'round here knows how to bathe, oh my
Don't think they change clothes ever
I know it's an odd priority (priority)
To critique fashion post-World War Three
W-w-why, why, why, why, why
Post-apocalypse leather
So tight that it just might sever
Your limbs and your poor nethers, ow
W-w-w-why, w-wh-why, why, why

I can't choose a-a funny captio-ion
Comedy ha-as failed to happen
Don't know why (don't know why) I can't write (I can't write)
Funny shite (funny shite), though I try (though I try)
Just can't write jokes, it's a big joke
I can't choose a funny caption, funny caption, funny caption
Hey!