There's a black leather mask on her face today
It's the same disguise as yesterday
There's a studded glove on her spanking hand
So I'm pretty sure this ain't Disneyland

I was browsing the web and came across her page
With a middle-aged fella locked inside a cage
Internet dominatrix with a whip and chain
And she goes by the nom de guerre of Kinky Payne

There's a cat o' nine tails in her hand today
(Better say a prayer)
There's a pair of thumb screws on display
(You're trapped in her lair)
There's a broomstick covered in metal spikes
(Customers beware)
And her Facebook page has a million likes
(Join it if you dare)

I surfed on the web and came upon her page
I guess it's really true that all the world's a stage
Internet dominatrix with a whip and chain
If submission's your thing then visit Kinky Payne

There's a couple of shackles up on the wall
(You could wind up there)
There's a rack that'll stretch you 'til you're eight feet tall
(Hope you have healthcare)
There's an iron brand that'll make you sweat
(You will scream and swear)
There's a pay-per-view stream on the internet
(It'll raise your hair)

I surfed on the web and came upon her page
And I find it so shocking I can't disengage
Internet dominatrix with a whip and chain
And you'll never forget when you found Kinky Payne

There's a Targaryen throne where the knives stick out
There's a taser making all her clientele shout
There's a secret dungeon that'll leave you scarred
There's a form where you sign up with a credit card

Kinky Payne

There's a punishment planned for everyone
(She is firm but fair)
But there's homemade cake when your session's done
(Take some home to share)

Then she seems to forget that the stream's still on
She removes her mask and - OH MY GOD

I call her and tell her what I saw online
She says "Don't be so prudish, I am doing fine
When your grandfather died I had to earn my way
And I'm making good money being Kinky Payne"

Kinky Payne
Kinky Payne
Kinky Payne
My grandmama's Kinky Payne
I'm so confused in my brain
My grandmama's Kinky Payne
It just might drive me insane
My grandmama's Kinky Payne