I'd invite you out to dinner;
You look so sweet, just like a swimsuit winner;
But when you open your big mouth,
That's when my hopes and dreams and schemes
they all go down south...

Why must you be...
A pain in the a------;
Could you be...
Another KGB mole?

Why must you be...
A pain in the a------
Could you be...
Another tortured soul?

Another dress for her collection
Another reason to tender her resignation
Girl with the crying face, I never know just how to tell;
Words are burritos, my heart feels like a sack from hell

Why must you be...
A pain in the a------?
(Is it me?
The man at the tidy bowl?)
Must you be...
A pain in the a------
Is it me
A man and a "mink stole"

Boo-hoo!
(Screw you!)
Boo-hoo!

I'd invite you out to dinner;
You look so broke 'cause you hung out with sinners;
But when you opened your big mouth
That's when my hopes and dreams they all flew down south

Must you be
A pain in the ass----!?
Could you be
Another KGB mole
Could you be
Another tortured soul?
Must I be
A man with a "mink stole"
Should I be
A man with a new score?
Why should you be
A pain in the ass----?
Why should I be
A man with a "cold sore"?
Must you be
A pain in the ass----!
Could you be
Another tortured soul

(Repeat and fade)