[DAK]
It was April Fools Day
Leaking gas tank
My floorboards caved on me
While fixing other ones
So then the door came off
The windows fell right through
I phoned help straight away
There's nothing I could do
Ceiling leaked brownish gunk
Came through the water tank
Fell through the ceiling
The carpet really stank
So April Fool's Day
I hate this damn day
I can buy a better house
Where there's no work to do

[Saz]
It's got fleas big as bees
It's got woodrot and mould
The wind blows right through
And it makes it damn cold
When we first viewed this house
In that warm summer breeze
We knew that this is where we wanted to be
It was lovely

[DAK]
It was great
Made a sharp move in date

[Both]
When we'd both finished viewing
Thought 'this is the one'
The salesman was clapping
We were all pretty happy
Til the drains leaked all day
And put stains on the floor

[Both]
This house'll be the death of us
It's crooked, broke and bare
And the doors are falling off
Just up the stairs

[Saz]
The salesman's a punk

[DAK]
He thought we were drunk
So he sold us this hole
And now i'm on the dole

[Saz]
This house is a sh*thole
A crappy ol' pithole
If we don't fix it soon
The whole thing'll ka-boom

[Both]
The walls are all chipped
And the leccy's tripped
We're living in the dark
And the house will soon come down
And fall apart

[DAK]
We could've had a home

[Saz]
But now we're all alone
The house was spooking me
When I first saw it

[DAK]
I tried to fix it, babe
I couldn't on my own
Can't make a house a home
If it falls down around you

[Both]
That house was a pile
Not worth the while
And now it's unprepared
For another guest to view
It needs repairs