[Me]
Free said the offer

[Them]
It is free all through infinity
Free with your purchase

[Me]
What? A purchase? Then it is not free

[Them]
Free! If you hurry

[Me]
Hurry? Why the limit on my time?

[Them]
Free until the clock's hands
Tick away the time
Free and so you better just sign here on the line

[Me]
Doubt's running through me
If it's free why do you need my scrawl

[Them]
It's really nothing
Sign and we'll include a popcorn ball
And it's free for the asking
We've put it in our guarantee

[Me]
You sure push this "free" theme
Why? I'd like to know
Show your guarantee, and then I might be sold

[Them]
Hmmmm... seems it's missing
But if you sign now we'll toss in some art
But now, time is ending
Better say yes now, it would be smart

[Me]
What a decision
Got to buy to get the stuff that's free
Free, you say, forever
Only if I sign
You are full of guile, so I don't believe your line

[Them]
Our free final offer
(You're a bargainer we rarely see)
A free full collection
Every single Weird Al DVD

[Me]
Now that's a freebie!
Just what I wanted
And it's all free, so just where do I sign

[Them]
Thanks, yeah, for your purchase
Easy payments will be charged from now 'til 2043

[Me]
Free - what a swindle
My bills go on and on through eternity