No, I'm not some kleptomaniac dude, alright?
There's just lots of items that folks leave behind
And if they're dumb enough to keep no eye
Then I'm afraid that they are now mine

So many objects that are out of place
And I don't really trust that they're all safe
This one smartphone is worth a hell of a lot of green
Left at train station? That makes no damn sense to me
Morons rampant, keep dropping their stuff
So I've taken all of their missing crap

Must not want this fancy necklace that much
If they up and dumped it right on a park bench, bet that sucks
Not left long, in terms of seconds, maybe three
But that clearly means they've not earned it, unlike the sneaky likes of me
Dimwits rampant, misplacing their stuff
All been taken, shoved in my jacket

What I hoard: found possessions
All I hoard: found possessions
What I hoard: found possessions
All I hoard: found possessions

I'm not that evil, have a heart that's red, not coal
I take all these things for prosperity
They would all get returned, but that would wreck my wall
A monument to man's stupidity
Great fools rampant, can't keep track of stuff
So I take 'em, maybe they'll get 'em back

Cause I hoard found possessions
What I hoard: found possessions
Cause I hoard found possessions
What I hoard: found possessions