He's got a staggering sight
In an prevalent place
And 'cause he looks quite like a rhino
He's ashamed to show his face
But then something I said
'Bout something he did
I ain't sure, did I do right?
Though I thought I was joking
Now I fear.. he's got a new career, because

Henry's nose stars in porn, because it's
Nearly ten inches lo-o-o-ng, and it's
Most impressive, when he gets the horn
Henry's nose stars in porn

I shudder at what he's got on
Playing on his videos
When Henry say it's a game of easy come and
Greasy nose
If I ask him "is life good?"
Will he say "No, it's snot"?
And I think: is he some kind of freak,
Seeing him performing, cheek to cheek, because

Henry's nose stars in porn, and his
Nom-de-guerre is "Unicor-hor-hor-horn"
No long faces, no more looking forlorn
Henry's nose stars in porn

And it's been a while now, Henry's taken every chance
Had the knife with cuts from the surgeon
Now he's got.. nostril implants

I don't know why I'm feel guilty, if he's
Doing what he can
He was a shy, retiring chap, now he's a
Hard-nosed businessman,
And now he's
Got ahead using his nose
And he's lookin' for more "Pinocchios"
So if you know some "up-front" guys
To help in his "Hooters" franchise, because

Henry's nose stars in porn, now he's
Using his head, not his braw-aw-aw-awn
Seems like every harlot has handled his horn
Henry's nose stars in porn