There on the stovetop, a ribbon of black
Right where I spilled easy cheese and mac
I cut my finger but it's almost healed
Trying to get the carrots peeled
The french-fried potatoes went up in a flash
There was nothing left but an unedible ash

My taster sighs at my pork-n-bean pie
My tries are twisted, just a cooking misfit, I

Smoke is pouring from the oven, it seems
You cry a warning, I ought, I ought to do something
I grab a hot pad and pull out my scones
They've turned to charcoal and hard as stone
So did I mention, I'm learning to fry
I'm so confounded but determined to try

You gag and cry from my roast ferret thigh
My tries are twisted, just a cooking misfit, I

You want to ban 'em, say my wings need a prayer
Cooked up in Karo, they make you flail and they make you swear
You say no more but I will always try
Come by tomorrow for a bubblegum fry*
My roasted kitten is a real delight
But you say no and call my food a real fright

There's no sensation to compare with this
My culinary rations, they all get dissed

Please won't you try my grilled tsetse fly
My tries are twisted, just a cooking misfit, I


* One of the featured foods at this year's State Fair of Texas is fried bubblegum. I kid you not.