I was standing
In the bathroom
Sighing at how much I weigh

When I saw my
Sister's undies
I picked them up and pondered,
"Hey...?"

Will the girdle
Be unbroken
By my size, Lord, by my size?
It's a fast and
Lazy way to
Thin this guy, Lord, thin this guy!

I said to that
Belly-shrinker
"Belly-shrinker, let me know,

If you'll really
Make me thinner,
Or just nudge my pudge below?"

Will the girdle
Be unbroken
By my size, Lord, by my size?
There's no better
Lazy way to
Thin this guy, Lord, thin this guy!

Oh that girdle
Said "You're right sir,
I conceal fat squeezily;

And you'll never
Hide your lard-rolls,
Any way more easily!"

Will the girdle
Be unbroken
By my size, Lord, by my size?
This vain lard-butt's
Hopin' it may
Thin this guy, Lord, thin this guy!

I sat down, and,
Picked up that girdle,
Cussed and struggled, squeezed it on

All of my blubber,
It was hiding!
What a wondrous manly thong!

Will the girdle
Be unbroken
By my size, Lord, by my size?
This vain lard-butt's
Lookin' better!
Thin am I, Lord, thin am I !

I went to
A friend's party
And showed-off my slender build

But the girdle
It exploded
And my friend was almost killed

When the girdle
Was explodin'
Fatnel flied, Lord, fatnel flied !
Bull-whips of lard
Lashed and doled-out
Some black eyes, Lord, some black eyes!

Well the girdle
It was broken
By my size, Lord, by my size!
Now I only
Walk in public
In disguise, Lord, in disguise!