He's close to sixty, and planning to get married once again
And is she pretty? If you think that, I reckon you're insane
He tried to scheme, but mumsy thinks his lifelong love's the wrong sort
She won't be queen, in case that causes press and public onslaught
The Princess Consort

'Cause she's Camilla - Prince's Bride
And he won't be denied his royal tit-bit on the side
You know Camilla, Princess Bride
She ain't no Princess Di, and she's no Cilla, Camilla - alright?

They said in Pravda, when Charlie's king, she still will not be queen
Although he's loved her and has done since 'bout eighteen sixty-three
You close your eyes - imagining her stand before the nation
But all the while you're thinking of a horse stood in her place
Why the long face?

'Cause she's Camilla - Prince's Bride
And Charles can give up hunting 'cause he's got a horse to ride
And she's Camilla - Princess Bride
So folks, never say Di, she didn't kill 'er, Camilla - alright?

Press "creatures" call
On the Prince, of all
People, to abdicate
That would be something
He can't do - he ain't king
This time ('cause mum ain't died)
This for the sake of his wife?

They're out to get her, journalists who need something to write
And they beset her, printing ever more invented shite
On the front page: some picture of them cuddled close together
So will she rage? We'll find out how she deals with royal breaks:
Pictures were fakes

'Cause she's Camilla - Prince's Bride
A bit less photogenic than the former Princess Di
And she's Camilla - Princess Bride
She'll wed a prince tonight and watch Godzilla, in a, villa
Camilla.... alright?

(Prince Philip in his best Vincent Price impression:)
Darkness falls across the land
The wedding hour is close at hand
So don't you call my son a spanner
T'was I who made him wed Diana

And don't we all wish that had been
Less of a "fairytale" scene
Because it proved there's little dafter
Than living happily ever after

At least ol' Di begat an heir
'Cause t' new one's getting on in years
And ghouls pour out from every tomb
Ere something comes from that one's womb

But monarchy will stay and thrive
This gal's no institution-killer
Reckon we might just survive
The woman called: Camilla