On a cold winter's evening, on my sixth floor dorm room
I met up with a chugger, he and Dave were drinking beer
So they took turns a-walkin', to the fridge across the hallway
Til destiny overtook me and I stopped in for a drink
He said, "Son, I've made a life, out of drinkin' people's cases,
Knowin' if they're Threeman, by the way they roll the dice
And if you don't mind me sayin', I can see you're new to drinkin'
So if you grab us two Busch Lights, I'll give you some advice."
So I handed him a beer can, which he opened with a chuckle
Then he pushed the flow restrictor back, and he turned from the light
And the dorm got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression
Said "If you're gonna drink the beer, boy, ya gotta learn to drink it
right!"
You got to know how to hold 'em
Warm up the cold ones
Know when to crush the can
And know when to burp
You never take a breather
When you're chuggin' at the tailgate
There'll be time enough for breathin'
When the beer is done.
Every chugger knows that the secret to drinkin'
Is blowin' extra foam away, and knowin' what to eat
Cause every can's a winner, and every can's a loser
The only way to know is pour...the backwash on the street
And when he finished speakin', I ran out to the hallway
Tried to find the bathroom, and fell into a heap
And somewhere in my closet, I passed out for the evening
But underneath my bed, I found a case that I could keep
You got to know how to hold 'em
Warm up the cold ones
Know when to crush the can
And know when to burp
You never take a breather
When you're chuggin' at the tailgate
There'll be time enough for breathin'
When the beer is done.