Midnight, and they're all-waitin' in the cold outside
Hopin' they can beat all the scalpers to the ticket line
Morons....they're just a Swiftie in disguise
Can they keep their pee from leakin'
If they hold it for a very long time?

Taylor, you're the Queen of Tarts
Fans all think you're really smart
The Swifties are a bunch of fools
Who'll do anything for you
Slamming on another guy
Who you singing 'bout, this time?
But that's what you like to do
(it's) a wonder you ain't been sued!

Funny---the way your fans get mad
Why is every Swiftie yellin' at us every time we poke fun?
Money, you crave it really bad
And now you're rakin' in the millions
even though all of your songs are dumb

Taylor Swift, the Queen of Tarts
They post a clip each time she farts
The Swifties are a bunch of fools
Who'll blow all their cash on you
Writin' songs about a guy....
Who ya' puttin' down this time?
But that's what you love to do
(It's) a wonder you ain't been sued.

Lovers, and she's had quite a few
They open up the record covers
to find they're only on Side One
Her mother hopes she has a child or two
But it's gonna' be a bummer
When she's pregnant and she weighs a ton

Taylor is the Queen of Tarts
Her managers are really smart
They're playing all her fans for fools
They'll buy anything that's new!
Taylor Swift's the Queen of Tarts
She knows it and she's really smart
And Travis is the latest fool
Who'll give up everything for you
Singin' 'bout some other guy
I think you call him "Bob" this time
But that's what you have to do
To keep you from getting sued

Taylor is the Queen of Tarts
Taylor is the Queen of Tarts
Taylor is the Queen of Tarts