I ate it all, officer
It was high-caloric...

There's a lobster in my pants
And it forces me to dance
When pinchers start to pinch
Getting closer by the inch

Lobster, wow! Lobster, oww!
Be careful there, lobster!
Lobster, wow! Lobster, oww!
My junk's in there, lobster!

There's a lobster in my pants
In this restaurant in France
It jumped off the waiter's tray
Now it's in my lap to stay

Oh no, a lobster! Oh no, a lobster!
Oh no, oh no, oh no an uncooked lobster
Lobster! Lobster!
Oh no, an uncooked lobster!

Drop my trousers, shuck my shorts
Don't wanna feed that lobster my schwartz

There's a lobster in my pants
And I do a pee-pee dance
Like I'm needing a bathroom
Or about to go ka-boom

Slack back, lobster! Slack back, lobster!
Boil it, bake it, take that you yucky slug
Check it, wow! Wreck it, oww!
Crack it, whack it, back off you horny bug

And it's in my pants in this restaurant in France
But it won't come out so my manhood is in doubt

Lobster! Lobster! Yum yum, an uncooked lobster!

There's a lobster in my lap, I could use a lobster trap
But I have to act with care, all my goodies are down there
I jump in a pot, boiling water is hot
Hope it cooks the lobster first, but I'm fearing the worst

Gosh, is that me simmering
Uhh, how much tartar sauce did you bring

Mmmmmm!