There's a man that creeps
Right down our street
He's a burglar by profession
Has been twenty years

And he takes silver from everyone
TV sets from the lounge floor
Puts it in swag bag
And tries hard not to rustle

Then he stashes loot in a hold-all bag
The children think he's scary
He'd never let on
But I read it in the paper
He's going to cause some mischief
For the people in the village
He's going to commit crime now
The law calls it burglary

Police chase him down the high street
Over low and high hills
We'll be worry-free one day
When he sits in the cells
They'll ask him how he got there
He'll say, "I was caught thieving"
They'll say, "Aren't you so stupid
Getting into burglary?"

And I'm telling this story
To the local police
Drinking their coffee
Eating all their Rich Teas
And they're taking down notes to find out what he means
Getting ready to arrest for burglary
So they chased him down the high street
Up and then down hills
It was like our holidays
When he went in the cells
They asked him how he got there
He said, "They caught me thieving"
They said, "Aren't you just stupid
Trying burglary"

Lock him up, lock him up, lock him up
Lock him up, lock him up, lock him up again
Cuff him right away, cuff him right away,
Cuff him right away, cuff him right away

And he's thinking about home
And he's thinking about work
And he's thinking how good it will be
When he's free some day

Free to commit burglary
Free to commit burglary
Free to commit burglary
And theft