The youngest child - I'm kind of wild
I like to have my fun
I've gone on dates with lots of boys
But my heart belongs to none
I want a man whose daily plan
Is just to make me smile
And he'll gain a lot of bonus points
If he's not an androphile

One guy, he took me fishing
But he fell into the lake
I tried to date an actor once
Only lasted half a take
Dumped one for lack of discipline
Refused to wash his hands
I gotta say it's a turn off
When they rob newspaper stands

I need to find a man, I'm tired
I've been looking for too long
Doesn't have to be a Superstar
But I don't want Mister Wrong
I can't find any here in town
Who don't have a wedding band
It's just a bloody tragedy
That I cannot find a man

I tried to date a baller
It turned out he was too tall
A chemist from Chicago
Brought no chemistry at all
And "Amazing Karlando"
Well, he failed to cast a spell
That model's date came to a close
He stole all my hair gel

I met a race car driver
Killed the mood when he got towed
I even tried a plumber
But his backside always showed
There was a massage therapist
I'll just say he lost his touch
At the point where I think breathing
Is asking just too much

I need to find a man, I'm tired
I've been looking for too long
I'm not dying for a Superstar
But he can't be Mister Wrong
There aren't any here in town
Can't afford to try Milan
It's just a bloody tragedy
That I cannot find a man

It's such a bloody tragedy
That I cannot find a man