The tie is tied, and it's time for prom.
I'm gonna need a cummerbund.
I'm not the kind of nerd who wears a baseball cap, oh no.

This time of Spring's not cool for dweebs and twerps so sad.
But it's a break from school for swinging dudes like me.
I'm not the kind of nerd who lets his butt get fat, oh no.

The tie is tied, and it's not clip-on.
I'm gonna need a colored tux,
Colored tux, colored tux.

Every girl at school wants me to ask,
But I'll wait with cheer for a fine girl.
I'm not the kind of nerd who fails to make them gasp, oh no.

My ride is prized: from my father, conned.
I've gotta hope this Hummer runs,
Hummer runs, Hummer runs.

As I swerve wildly, I need both hands.
Hit the brakes, slide's weird, in a blind turn.
I'm not the kind of nerd who fixes tires gone flat, oh no.

My ride has died, but I'm moving on.
I've gotta be a thumber bum.
Thumber bum, thumber bum, thumber bum.

A ride is spied, but it doesn't stop.
I'm gettin' wet, as thunder comes.
My fly's awry, as I spot the cops.
Guys catch me doing number one.

I sigh and cry, 'cause there'll be no prom.
I'm gettin' booked like utter scum.
My pride has died, and I'm jailed with cons.
I'm gonna miss my summer fun, my summer fun.