What’s the matter with the stuff I’m eatin’?
“Can’t ya see that it’s not healthy?”
Maybe I should drink some Tab in bottles,
“Goin’ back to ’63?
Where have you been eatin’ out lately, honey?
You can’t eat fancy with the way ya spend your money.”
Everybody’s talkin’ ‘bout the sundae,
Funny, but it’s still rocky road to me.

What’s the matter with the spoon I’m usin’?
“Can’t ya tell that it’s just plastic?”
Should I get a bunch of rainbow jimmies?
“Are ya kiddin’? That cream is just way too thick.
Nowadays, ya can’t be too gastronomic.
Your best bet’s to buy a brand-new Batman comic.”
Joker, poker, weathered like Roker.
It’s still rocky road to me.

Oh, it doesn’t matter what they say in the media,
‘Cause vanilla just leaves people cold.
There’s a new treat in town,
But ya can’t get the taste from a creamery that’s down in Seoul,
Unless you are Bob Dole.

How about a bag of pink marshmallows
And a huge can of fresh almonds?
“You could really be a John Rambo baby
If ya just start firebombin’.
Don’t waste your money on some plain ol’ chocolate,
You’ll be happier if ya go out and rock it.”
I scream, you scream, they scream, we all scream,
It’s still rocky road to me.

All right!

[saxophone solo]

What’s the matter with the cone I’m eatin’?
“Don’t ya know it’s a real waffle?”
Should I try to be an ice cream trucker?
“If ya do, don’t sell falafel.
Don’t ya know about the regulations, honey?
You can’t rock those quarts ‘till the IRS gets money.”
But still, I scream, you scream, they scream, we all scream,
It’s still rocky road to me.

Everybody’s talkin’ ‘bout the sundae,
Funny, but it’s still rocky road to me.