Whoah, oh, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime
Whoah, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime

Saw a girl named Flora at the beach
What she had on left me without speech
A thong bikini
But, Flora's far from skinny
And that's one reason Flora's thong's a crime

First I thought her bathing suit was gone
From behind, it looked like she had none
The straps were hidden
"Neath flabby flaps had ridden
Thought she was naked. Flora's thong's a crime

Whoah, oh, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime
Whoah, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a

Flora's just as wide as she is tall
Not unlike a typical beach ball
Thongs should be outlawed
For people with a stout bod
I've got to tell you Flora's thong's a crime

She dove in, the sea level rose
An old swabbie yelled,
"Avast, thar she blows!"
As she floated, gulls cried to be fed
One perched upon her head
Thought he'd found a new land mass

Globes the size of twin weather balloons
Flopped and swayed as she went through the dunes
Oh, if she passes,
Watch out for both her asses
They're swinging freely. Flora's thong's a crime

She lay on a sheet to relax
I noticed that she
Neglected to wax
She is much too hirsute for her suit
With the whitest skin to boot
She was more than an eyeful

She cares not what other people think
So she bought that thong of hottest pink
But, when she wears it,
Some little kids, she scares and
That's another reason Flora's thong's a crime

Whoah, oh, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime
Whoah, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime