Hello John are you a copper? (x2)
You've just made a mess of the arrest (x2)
He lost three panda cars (x2)
He's training to be a detective (x2)

Hello John are you a copper (x4)
Hahahahahahahaha, copper, copper, copper, copper (fade)

Hello John are you a copper? (x2)
They put him in a special division (x2)
Is there crime in Bow (x2)
Is there crime in Peckham? (x2)
What's that bird in the cells for? (x2)
Ah ah ah ah ow, ah ah ah ah ow

Hello John are you a copper? (x2)
He's always talking bullshit (x2)
He's got to record it all in his notebook (x2)
Spelling for him ain't easy (x2)
He keeps getting kicked in the bollocks (x2)
Every day he makes a balls up (x2)
He will get you nicked just for that (x2)
He tried to catch a shoplifter (x2)
But got stuck at the checkout (x2)

Hello John, are you a copper? (x2)
Here John, do you like the badge?
Do you eh? Here it's a lovely badge ain't it?
Here, do you want to get nicked?(x2)
Hello John are you a copper? (x2)
His friend's a bent copper (x2)
Hello John are you a copper? Eh? Eh?
He tries to nick Rastafarians (x2)
He plants pieces of hash (x2)
In their underpants (x2)
Hello John are you a copper? (x2)
He walks around with a truncheon (x2)
Oh his mate Trevor, he's the intelligent one
He's in the Flying Squad
Hello John, are you a copper? (x2)
Been to West Ruislip?
Lovely, West Ruislip
Lots of Pakis live in West Ruislip
Can't find a decent copper
Can't find a decent copper in West Ruislip you know
You can get one in Bermondsey though
There's some decent coppers in Bermondsey
You can get a decent copper, and it sounds nice
You calling me a decent copper? Aw that's nice
I am a decent copper, oh cheers thanks a lot
Alright? What you been up to?
What you been up to eh? Domestic violence?
Lovely, here you must have a record
Hello, hello, hello, hello
Hello John are you a copper? (x2)
You just made a mess of the arrest (x2)
Hello John are you a copper? (x4)
Here that's a nice dodgy car
I like your bald tyres
Here got a forged driving licence?
This looks like one
Got no tax disc?
Can't see your tax disc
Let's go back to the station
Got no tax disc
Cos you got no tax disc we go down the station