I never thought my life could be
Ending with such catastrophe,
But suddenly I begin to see
A lot of bad luck for me.
'Cause I had a golden ticket;
I sought those old-boy wrinkles that I'd try.

I often had a chance to shine,
Always a dapper throng would cling.
Deservedly, half the world was mine.
What an amazing thing!
'Cause I bought and sold the wicked;
I made my foldin' money on the sly.

I never thought I'd see the day
When I would face the world and say,
"Good heavens, look what I've done!"
I never thought that I would be
Slapped with a rap for felony,
'Cause I'd have said:
"It couldn't be done."
But it can be done ...

I never dreamed that I'd do time
Roving in penitentiary,
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be.

'Cause I wove a golden thicket,
In rent-controlled apartments made my stay;
And then I told the slickest stories, holding sway.

Good glory, look what I've done!
'Cause I'd have said,
"It shouldn't be done."
But I'm special one!

I never dreamed it was a crime
Renting vacation property,
But never confessing at tax time
Something about huge fee.

'Cause I had a golden ticket,
'Cause I got too old to picket,
I was emboldened, danced to fake my way.
Now with no golden ticket, it's a cold pen stay.