Now John Boy was once my neighbor
Who’s house was in a state of decline
His yard was one big problem
Shabby with both tall grass and vines

His friends had gathered round him
“We’re intervening now, don’t you know?
Your lawn, it needs a new trim.
Or else, you’re not our neighbor no mo’.”

So he got hackin’, and weedin’,
And movin’ with the groomin’
And just then
His neighbors
With haughtiness abounding shouted

“Cut that thigh high fescue, lawn boy
Cut that fescue ankle height
Cut that thigh high fescue, lawn boy
Your yard is weedy
Don’t dawdle, just be speedy
Till it’s right
Get it right.”

Now John he hates his neighbors
He thought that they were quick to malign
Their voices were like graters
He had a plan to kick their behinds

This wrong, he thought, needs righting
But first, his lawn must lose its decay
He made his yard inviting
On Southern Homes, it went on display.

They were cheerin’ his clearin’
Applaudin’ and were laudin’
And then all
His neighbors
With compliments abounding shouted

“You’ve got lovely fescue, John Boy.
Love that fescue, green and bright!
You’ve got lovely fescue, John Boy.
Cut down and weeded
It’s what your lawn had needed
We delight!
It excites!”

His plan was super easy
He cut down all the weeds they maligned
And then at night, got sneaky
And took a trip to those who had whined.

He got himself a spreader
The clippings he dumped into its tray
And on each lawn went wheelin’
Then went back home and drank Chardonnay.

He was inspired and tired
Of listenin’ to the dissin’
When spring came
The weeds sprang
He heard his neighbors groan, he shouted

“What's with all those weeds," said John Boy
"Your lame lawns don't look quite right.
What's with all those weeds," said John Boy
"Best you get crackin'
Your lawns, lord, they be lackin'
What a sight.
Oooh, get it right.
Oooh, get it right now."