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Song Parodies -> "Brad Cadenhead (Is Vile)"
Original Song Title:
"John Barleycorn (Must Die)"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Traffic
Parody Song Title:
"Brad Cadenhead (Is Vile)"
Parody Written by:
Hu’s On Firsf
The Lyrics
It’s not every day that you see a 17-year-old receive an 80-year prison sentence, and even less often when it’s for something other than murder. In the case of Bradley Cadenhead, though, it was certainly well-deserved. At age 15, he started a Nazi/Satanist/pedophile online cult (which still exists today, just with different leaders now that he’s in jail). There has been a dramatic increase in sextortion cases targeting teenagers in the past few years; mostly due to Cadenhead’s group and offshoots of it.
There was a judge in Stephenville
Who put a kid on trial
And what the judge learned made him ill
Brad Cadenhead is vile
He went online and founded a group
A predatory cult
And that is why Brad Cadenhead
Was tried as an adult
His followers carved his name in their flesh
And they found other children to groom
And evil young Bradley Cadenhead
Lured his victims to their doom
One girl bit her poor hamster’s head clean off
Right on camera for those dudes
She did it because they had threatened to
Show her family her nudes
Kids had bullied Brad quite an awful lot
At his church and at his school
So he became much worse than that
A quadrillion times as cruel
He chatted with creeps from around the world
Who shared a love of crime
And many of them now share his fate
They’ve all been doing time
On Discord and Roblox and Instagram
They have managed to recruit
And new groups always spring up when
The old ones get the boot
Some victims ended up killing themselves
On camera for this club’s fun
And very few things can be worse than that
This gang is an evil one
And Brad Cadenhead is a piece of shit
Nazi sadist pedophile
Yes, Brad Cadenhead is a piece of shit
He and all his fans are vile
And Satan, down in Hell, is shocked
Yes the devil himself feels dread
From the things his followers here have done
Like awful Bradley Cadenhead
Who put a kid on trial
And what the judge learned made him ill
Brad Cadenhead is vile
He went online and founded a group
A predatory cult
And that is why Brad Cadenhead
Was tried as an adult
His followers carved his name in their flesh
And they found other children to groom
And evil young Bradley Cadenhead
Lured his victims to their doom
One girl bit her poor hamster’s head clean off
Right on camera for those dudes
She did it because they had threatened to
Show her family her nudes
Kids had bullied Brad quite an awful lot
At his church and at his school
So he became much worse than that
A quadrillion times as cruel
He chatted with creeps from around the world
Who shared a love of crime
And many of them now share his fate
They’ve all been doing time
On Discord and Roblox and Instagram
They have managed to recruit
And new groups always spring up when
The old ones get the boot
Some victims ended up killing themselves
On camera for this club’s fun
And very few things can be worse than that
This gang is an evil one
And Brad Cadenhead is a piece of shit
Nazi sadist pedophile
Yes, Brad Cadenhead is a piece of shit
He and all his fans are vile
And Satan, down in Hell, is shocked
Yes the devil himself feels dread
From the things his followers here have done
Like awful Bradley Cadenhead
The surname “Cadenhead” originates from the Scottish Borderlands. That might have been part of the reason why I thought of parodying an old traditional ballad (like this one) with lyrics about him.
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Oops, looks like I misspelled my own username when I submitted this parody. It’s supposed to be a “t” at the end, not an “f”.
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