Down an elegant hallway, fixin' up my hair
I smell margaritas as I am almost there
Up ahead on the door sign, I see with great delight
It said "The Continental"--it was him!
This was to be a fun night
I waited by the doorway
Shut off my V'rizon cell
And I was thinking to myself
This man is putting me under his spell
There he lit up a candle and he poured Chardonnay
I bid goodbye to the corridor
And it was time to play...

I've come to dine with the Continental
Such a lovely place
Got a funky face!
Plenty of sham-pahn-ye served by the Continental
Any time of year, he will have it here

He gives me a sample ointment, packaged in a chowder can
He says he finds me pretty, maybe we'll be more than friends
Now he walks to the homebar, brings crepe suzette
He dances like Swayze, this dance is a hit!

So I got him to sit down
Please bring me more wine
He said, "This is the best sham-pahn-ye year, 'bout eighteen fifty-nine"
And now his fingers are coming closer my way
Giving me a good deal of fright
Now I run away...

Running away from the Continental!
Punch him in the face
He rebounds with grace
Tryin' to get away from the Continental
Gouge him in the eyes...this just wasn't wise!

Manners unappealing
His advances aren't nice
I hope that I won't be a prisoner here, I won't pay the price
Avoid the bastard's clutches
He really is a beast
He grabs me, but I have a knife
Now I'm going to retreat

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
To get away from this love shack
Can't be here one minute more
"Come back!" cried the sick man
"I'll be good, please do not leave!
Oh well come back any time you like
I'll be better, you'll see!"