(To Gabrielle -- Eva Longoria)
Desperate housewife.
Why don't you come to your senses?
You plowed under the fences
when mowing lawns.
I'm a hard one
and you know you are the reason.
Some afternoon pleasin'
won't hurt you, no how.

(To Susan -- Teri Hatcher)
Don't have credit cards or diamonds, girl.
My ex-wife, she's a snatcher.
A fiend of hearts, she was, and you can bet.
Now, it seems that you're a fine thing
so what do you say, Ms. Hatcher?
'Cause a Superman's what you no longer get.

(To Lynette: Felicity Huffman, a.k.a. Mrs. Macy)
Desperate housewife.
I've begged you for a fortnight.
You were once on "Sports Night"
but that show is gone.
The freedom, we got freedom
to get all soft and lacy.
That William H. Macy?
Pretend he's not home.

(To Edie -- Nicollette Sheridan)
Don't your bod get cold in that locker room?
Did Owens not make your heart go boom?
It's hard to find guys like that on Sunday!
I'm losing what's left of my mind
since you will not come give me that kind
of play!

(To Bree -- Marcia Cross)
Desperate housewife
you hot merry widow
come over here, kiddo
open the gate.

(To all of them)
I'm not complaining
but I'm still not above you.
Just one say I can love you
(Say I can love you)
Just one say I can love you...

...if just for one...
date.