Don’t bother me I’m getting tanned
Laying here in silky Florida sand
Trying to retain my youth
All the snow birds looking smooth
They should try a tanning booth

Yes I’ve been lying here all day
With no sunscreen and no sunblock spray
This sand is comfy like my bed
Then some nerdy kid named Ned
Said, “Dude why’s your skin all red?”

No more joy, no more fun
Got skin cancer from the sun
Now my skin it will peel
And like needles it will feel

Now I do think it’s time to see
A specialist in dermatology
Seems like the prudent thing to do
Scraped off some samples, took a few
Gave me a tube of 5-FU

And now you know it’s plain to see
I look like Magda from Something About Mary
At least she had some platinum hair
Oh her tan had so much flair
Sad that my skin is just too fair

Oh bright lights I should shun
Got skin cancer from the sun
5-FU I apply
To these spots above my eye

So now it’s been a month or two
All this time the sun I did eschew
No more tanning beds for me
Learned my lesson now I’m free
Turn on the tube and watch some Glee

What will I do without the beach
Now that tanned skin is out of reach
I’ll go back to looking pale
Order fake tan through the mail
Orange skin I will regale

Looking buff, having fun
No skin cancer on my guns
But the fake tan I bought
Isn’t quite the look I sought

Oh bright lights I still shun
Stopped skin cancer from the sun
5-FU I apply
And the spots will go bye-bye

When I bike in the sun
There is sunblock on my guns
Or I ride late at night
When there is no more sunlight